Keeping up with the House of David

Second Samuel starts pretty much where First Samuel left off.

Which makes much sense, since at one time both were considered as a single book.

King Saul has taken his own life, leaving David as his successor.

Exactly what Saul had been so worried about during his own reign.  See King me.

Things start off well for David, who not only unifies the kingdom of Israel, but is also quite successful in conquering not only the interior natives left by God to test the Israelites’ faith, but also unfriendly neighboring powers.

His success leads to his advisor Nathan to relate the will of God that a formal house for the LORD to dwell be constructed.

However, with the celebration of Israel’s victories and the plans for the building of a Temple to house the ark (which has some unstable qualities, as shown by the immediate striking down of Uzzah simply for accidentally touching it), family problems which will beset David and his house quickly spring up.

David’s first wife, Michal (dead King Saul’s daughter), is not at all pleased that David is raving in the streets in the nude with the servant’s maids, and lets David know about her displeasure.

And David and Michal use separate beds from there on out.

Do not dis the king.

Even if he's out dancing naked in public.

Nudity in public appears to have been quite commonplace.

As shown when one of the local women, Bathsheba, catches King David’s eye.  

David peeking in on Bathsheba

She is said to have been very beautiful.

Open air bathing was not prohibited in early Israel

In addition to being a fan of en plein air bathing. 

But as she is already married to Uriah the Hittite, things get a little complicated in David’s attempt to walk in the way of the LORD.

But that doesn’t stop David from impregnating Bathsheba while her husband is off fighting David’s wars.

Not sure that I hold Mr. David in that high of regard with that kind of behavior.

But, then again, I’m also not a big fan of today’s reality television.

And that’s what most of Second Samuel reads like.

So I reckon that it should be one of the more popular books of the Bible.

A modern depiction of Bathsheba

Nowadays, at least.

Anyway, instead of being content to break just two of the Ten Words (coveting a neighbor’s wife and adultery), David arguably manages to break one more (unlawful killing) when he instructs his trusty commander Joab to send the poor loyal Uriah to his certain death on the front lines at the siege of Rabbah.

David sending Uriah the Hittite down the river to Rabbah

The LORD then through a hypothetical question posed by Nathan tricks David into issuing an oath that leads to the death of his firstborn son with Bathseba.

You’d think that folks would be sensitive to the problems with making oaths by now. Remember the Chosen People in the wilderness, Jephthah and his daughter, and the Israelites' vow not to give their daughters in marriage to the Benjaminites?  See Are we there yet? and Losing their religion.

Think again.

David nevertheless consoles the grieving Bathsheba with some more sex, and a second son is born.

Who David names as Solomon (meaning “his replacement” --- a sure-fire way to create some insecurity and identity issues in a child from the get-go), but who Nathan names Jedidiah (meaning “Beloved of the LORD” --- which, as we will see, is ultimately going to be tough for the kid to live up to).

The House of David has more offspring through David’s multiple wives, including a son Absalom, his sister Tamar, and their brother Amnon.

Absalom and Tamar

But Amnon has “feelings” for his sister Tamar, who he seduces, rapes, and then leaves when the whole ickiness of the situation washes over him.

Amnon and Tamar 

And this leads to Absalom to kill Amnon, and then flee on the lam from his father’s wrath.

Absalom letting Amnon know you can't do that

Absalom picks up a following, and begins a revolt leading to a rift amongst the Chosen People, with those behind Absalom being called the Israelites and leaving only the tribes of Judah and Benjamin behind David.

David puts the revolting Israelites back in their place by opening up a big can of whup-ass, and the long-haired Absalom gets his wig hung up in a low-hanging tree, where Joab and his armor bearers make short work of the king’s son.

One reason there are crew-cuts in the military

Even with Absalom's "issues", he was kin, after all, and David still loved him.

And wept upon news of his death.

David weeping for the lost Absalom

After a further revolt by the Benjaminites is also suppressed, David has again unified the Chosen People and feels that it’s a good time to take a census.

But counting the number of the Chosen People offends God (who had already told David that his people will be as many as the sands of the sea, so he shouldn’t have been so presumptuous as to even try to count them), and David is given the option of three punishments for such a sin.

David picks the option that he is not to be delivered into human hands.

This may seem selfish, but the moral is if there's any atoning to be done, try to put as much as you can in God’s hands, because he might just change his mind.

As it turns out happens here.

The plague, Day One

So although a three day pestilence (plague) is the punishment David has selected to be visited upon the Chosen People, the LORD relents after one day and lifts the plague, thus saving Jerusalem.

And David sets up an altar and performs a sacrifice for the LORD’s thanksgiving in ending the plague.

And that is where the Temple will at that spot be built by David’s son Solomon.

Phew!

The Kardashian’s ain’t got nothing on Second Samuel.