Limping between two opinions

1 and 2 Kings and 1 and 2 Chronicles cover much of the same ground, and address the history of the monarchy of the Chosen People until their subjugation by foreign powers (the obliteration of ten Northern Tribes by Assyria and deportation of the Southern Tribes of Judah and Benjamin by the Babylonian Empire).

So this post is going to attempt to cover four books in one, and hopefully not be too dreadfully long.

But there are some subtle differences between the books. 

In addition to containing nearly sixteen chapters of the some of the most mind-numbing genealogies and other lists of names I have ever read (not fun; hit the wall on those), 1 Chronicles goes all the way back to include the events surrounding Saul and David reflected in 1 and 2 Samuel we saw in King me and Keeping up with the House of David (without, curiously, the sex and nudity parts, which is probably due to the pro-Southern perspective of the Chronicles, discussed below), and 1 and 2 Kings address more detail of the happenings in the Northern Kingdom of the Israelites, while 1 and 2 Chronicles look to the North as sinful losers and aim their focus on the Southern Kingdom consisting of Judah and Benjamin.

Kind of like the way Americans view the Civil War as either The War Against Secession (if you were a Yankee) or The War of Northern Aggression (iffn’ yer a Reb).

It all depends on which side of the Mason/Dixon line you come from.

Things all started out hunky-dory in a unified state when David passed the crown to his son Solomon.

Although, near the end, David was having trouble performing, so to speak, even when the beautiful virgin Abishag was offered to him to be used to “cover his feet” (code in Hebrew for doing the nasty).

King David and Abishag

No Viagra or Cialis back then.

And Bathsheba probably took a lot out of Old David.  See Keeping up with the House of David.

Make up and consolment sex can do that.

In any event, after David’s passing Solomon fulfills David’s promise to build a Temple for God in Jerusalem.

Which Solomon does.

Although his palace is bigger.

King Solomon, aka Jedidiah

And he, like father like son (after all, fruit don’t fall too far from the tree), takes on many foreign wives.

Who worship foreign gods.

And so did Solomon.

Which is a problem for a jealous God.

Big problem.

So God takes away a unified kingdom, splitting the ten Northern Tribes (the Israelites) to be ruled by Jeroboam, and the remaining Southern Tribes (the Kingdom of Judah) to be ruled by King Rehoboam, Solomon's son.

And thereafter most of the kings of Israel and Judah did not do right.

In the vernacular of the South, they “walked in the ways of the kings of Israel”.

Which is bad.

Damned Northerners!

Because not only were they worshipping the native gods of the indigenous people (called “setting up high places” (and we know that’s a hard habit not to pick up, and an even harder one to break once you do, see The Ten Words)), but the Northern Kingdom set up altars and performed sacrifices on their own in their own lands without having to take the roadtrip south to Solomon’s new Temple and sacrifice only at Jerusalem.

Which is what is referred to as “following the sins of Jeroboam” (because he was the first king of the Israelites in the North to start doing it, see?)

The problem of Jeroboam’s setting up new altars to perform sacrifices was raised by an anonymous “man of God” from the south, who was visited by the word of the LORD and told to call King Jeroboam out on his apostasy, and was instructed by God to immediately thereafter leave by another route without stopping to eat or drink.

Which he did, telling King Jeroboam off and hightailing it out of the north.

Until the man of God runs into another anonymous character, the old prophet from Bethel.

And the old prophet from Bethel convinces the man of God that the old prophet was also visited by a subsequent divine intervention and was told that the man of God stopping a while for some local hospitality would be just fine by the LORD.

So the man of God believes the old prophet from Bethel, and accepts the invitation to eat and drink.

And is thereafter struck down by the LORD who sends a lion to kill the man of God for his failure to follow God’s instructions as issued directly to him.

The man of God

“Alas, my brother” is the eulogy from the old prophet from Bethel who had tricked the gullible man of God.

An empty head and a clear heart are no defenses to not doing what God tells you to do, even if someone else says that God told them you don’t have to do it.

Follow the word of God as it is presented to you by the LORD.

Or else.

Which should be nothing new.  Remember Balaam’s ass?  See Are we there yet? Part 2.

The Northern kings were also visited by prophets who had issues with the worship of other gods.

The establishment of “high places”.

Those prophets would be Elijah the Tishbite and his successor Elisha.

Based on the goading of his Baal-worshipping wife Jezebel, King Ahab sets up “sacred poles” (used in the “high places”), and gets rid of the prophets of the LORD.

Except one.

The troublemaker Elijah.

Elijah

Who did not hear the voice of the LORD in the stormy wind.

Or in the earthquake.

Or in the fire (all three of which are where other religions and cultures believed the LORD dwelt).

He instead heard the voice of God in the sound of sheer silence.

Elijah gets fed up with the  Northern Kingdom’s hypocrisy of being a nation “under God” while at the same time worshipping Baal from “high places”.

And asks the people a deep question from which the title of this post is taken:

How long will you go limping between two different opinions?

If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him.

Which the Chosen People have had a difficult time with since the get-go.  See The Ten Words and Losing their religion.

And that shuts the people up.

Elijah decides to have a sacrificial throw-down with the 850 prophets of Baal and Asherah (also known as Astarte, who we’ve seen before; check out Losing their religion); whichever god answers at the competing altars with fire is God.

No one answers the pleas and self-mutilations from the prophets of Baal.

Elijah dumps his wood and sacrifice with not one, not two, but three doses of water.

Sort of like grandstanding.

Tying his hands behind his back and standing on one foot.

And the fire of the LORD consumes Elijah’s sacrifice.

And the prophets of Baal are thereafter killed and dumped into the Wadi Kishon at the base of Mount Carmel.

The end of the prophets of Baal

Elijah continued to stir up trouble with Ahab and Jezebel after the incident concerning Naboth’s vineyard, where the sneaky Jezebel rigged a false accusation against the vineyard owner Naboth and gets him wrongfully stoned to death in order to acquire his property for the covetous Ahab.

Elijah doesn’t care too much for such shenanigans, and condemns both Jezebel and Ahab to early deaths which will involve dogs in one form or the other.

Such as having them lick up their blood or eating them and leaving nothing left of them but dung.

Which happens to Ahab in his war against the Arameans, as, even though he is incognito, he is killed in battle.

The death of Ahab

And the dogs lick up his blood.

And which also happens to Jezebel, who is thrown out a window and consumed by dogs.

The death of Jezebel

And her corpse ends up as dung on the field, so that no one could honor her grave and say: “This is Jezebel”.

The remains of Jezebel

(Your Humble Servant's observation: Somewhat similar to an Islamic burial at sea.)

So don’t mess with prophets.

Even if you’re just a little kid, do not call them names.

Or you might end up eaten by she-bears, as happened to some snotty punks who thought it’d be funny to call Elisha a “baldhead” and taunting him to “go up” as Elijah had been taken to heaven in a celestial chariot upon his death.

Elijah going up

Don't be dissin' no prophets

Elisha continues to be trouble for the remaining bloodline of Ahab and Jezebel, striking down their offspring Athaliah for backsliding to the worship of Baal and setting up more “high places”.

The death of Athaliah

He also anoints Jehu, son of Jehoshaphat, who meets with and kills both of the sinful kings of Israel and Judah (Joram and Ahaziah) at Naboth’s vineyard (thus ending the line of Ahab at a fittingly ironic location).

After Jehu, however, the Northern Tribes of the Israelites nevertheless continue again in another downward spiral of apostasy, and are ultimately subjugated by the Assyrians.

This time forever.

No more Northern Kingdom.

The Southern Kingdom beats back the invasion of Jerusalem by Assyria, where its army led by King Sennacherib is destroyed by the angel of the LORD due to the piety of the Judean King Hezekiah and the intervention of the prophet Isaiah.  

The angel of the LORD turns back Sennacherib and the Assyrians at Jerusalem

Jerusalem is saved (for the moment), and the Assyrians who survive crawl back to Nineva.

We'll be reading about them in the near future when we get to Jonah.

But the downward spiral continues in the south.

After falling back into idolatry under Kings Manasseh and Amon, the Southern Kingdom is defeated by the Egyptians under Pharaoh Neco, who shows that God can work through the enemy, and that the failure to heed prophetic voices coming out of an unbelieving adversary can lead to one’s downfall.

So weakened, Judah’s sinful ways are ended by forced deportation and relocation into Babylon under Nebuchadnezzar.

Jerusalem is sacked and looted.

The Temple is destroyed.

It’s fitting to end this post concluding the history of the Kings of the Chosen People with an astute observation from the prophet Azariah:

The eyes of the LORD range throughout the entire earth,

to strengthen those whose heart is true to him.  

The LORD is with you, while you are with him.

If you seek him, he will be found by you,
but if you abandon him, he will abandon you.